I picked the kids up from school this past Wednesday and could immediately tell that the #bigkid had something on his mind. As soon as we got in the car to come home, he blurted out, “Mom, two kids at my table called me gay today for drawing a rainbow.”
My gut response was to see red and rage against the homophobic machine. Images of Mama Bear throat punching a couple of punks flashed through my mind. But I know my response to this situation will lay the foundation for how he handles things like this in the future. So I calmly asked what he said? “I told them that I’m not gay and they shouldn’t say things like that because it’s not kind to make fun of people.”
My kid is in fourth grade. FOURTH GRADE. He was working on an activity about what everyone did over the long weekend, and drawing a picture of the amazing double rainbow that we saw at our cabin. Regardless, I don’t care if there is zero reason behind it, other than the fact that my kid thinks rainbows are awesome and loves them and wants to draw them.
In our household, we know what gay means to the extent that is age-appropriate and comprehensible for our kids. Their understanding is that being “gay” is when two people of the same gender love each other. They have two grandmas who fall into this category, and nothing about this seems strange or different than anyone else to them. Our normal life includes people of all backgrounds, races, sexual orientations. Our people are our people and we love them no matter what.
So I’m not upset that someone called my child gay. The word is not offensive and never will be. It’s not an insult, even when ignorant people try to use it as one. I am upset that these kids have learned that this word is negative from the influences in their life; likely their parents. Kids aren’t innately mean. They mirror the behavior modeled at home and these kids have probably heard their parent(s) using that word in a derogatory way. The fact that they have also been taught that any association with rainbows makes you gay, is asinine. We all know our kids are watching and listening, right? #wakeup
People, it is 2023 for fucks sake!! I was truly hoping that the days of kids being labeled or teased with words or symbols like this were rapidly declining. I wasn’t prepared for this to start at nine years of age. Maaaaybe middle school, when kids are starting to feel strange things and everyone is hormonally unhinged. Not in fourth grade, when they don’t even understand what they are saying or why they are saying it, other than their parents have said it, so it must be true.
So while my first instinct was to find these kids after school and threaten to call their (dumbass) parents if I EVER heard them talk to someone like that again, I’m more concerned with reinforcing the values we are teaching our kids. My child stuck up for himself and I know he’ll have to continue doing this as he grows. It won’t matter what the insult is, because it will change all the time. I want him to know he’s safe, his words hold value, and he knows the difference between right and wrong. And I want him to draw rainbows wherever and whenever the fuck he wants because they are cool af.
XOXO -Mer
