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Mama's Got You...

My last night in Nashville was one for the books! Who’s been to Nashville?  Holy shite, friends. This was like the Vegas strip, condensed into a couple of miles and on steroids, with live music. I met the babes from Two Mom Friends at The Stage on Broadway and immediately discovered that this place was insane - FOUR levels at one bar and a different, live performer on every one.

We settled on the top floor to watch Garrett Browning Music and they were AMAZING!! Best Live version of The Devil Went Down to Georgia I have ever heard and their fiddlist was fantastic.

Anywhozle, I wanted peace-out at 10pm because grandma  needs her beauty sleep. Uber had a different idea. I tried for 40+ minutes to get a driver but it kept changing times and drivers until I gave up and went downstairs to start walking. Two Moms and I were hanging outside on the street for a few when a very distraught woman came up to us. “I need help! My phone died and I can’t find my friends. I’ll give you my credit card or whatever just please help!”

This sister came to the right group of old moms, clearly zero threat and out-of-their-depth in this city. We told her to put her card away, asked more questions, learned her name was Haley (Hailey, Halie, Haaayley, Haiyleigh - I dunno, she’s 23 and looked like it was probably one of these spellings). I think I made a comment about how young she is and she said, aren’t you like 25? Oh, you sweet little angel, no. We tell her our age and that we could be her mom and she goes, “OMG, do you get Botox?”

Then I noticed she had a ‘Bride to Be’ sash on. What kind of bachelorette party lets their bride get wasted and wander off? We decide to find a cab and our bouncer friend tells us they are 6 blocks up where the street opens for traffic again. So we all set-off to find a cab we can stick H in to get her safely home.

When I tell you this sweet girl was drunk, I mean she couldn’t remember the names of her friends she was with or when she was getting married. I was holding her hand and holding her up as we walked down Broadway. A few blocks in, she seems to spot a friend and starts running. Well now I know how this happened; Haley needs a fucking leash.

I am holding on for dear life because there’s no way I’m letting this girl out of my sight.

Remember that time I was #hitbyatruck? Running is not my strong suit, yet here we are, in boots. I’m just going for it, praying that she actually knows the humans up ahead and also that my knee doesn’t break again. I have no idea where my friends have gone because I think we sprinted and they decided to just let me have this journey.

We finally catch up to a group of fellow 20-somethings who appear equally as distraught and have clearly been in search of their friend. Everyone reunites in excited, teary hugs and Haley keeps telling me, “OMG I love you, Mom! You’re my mom!” My own friends catch-up to the chaos and start taking pictures (see below…thank you?) of the exchange. Her friends are so relieved and grateful to these old ladies for returning their young bride.

I ask one of the guys with them, “are you her finance?” He blank stares at me and her other friend blurts out, “WHAT? She’s not getting married!!” We ask Haley about her sash and she has no knowledge of where she got it, much less that she’s even still wearing it. Fuck, this girl was living her best life for god knows how long before she found us.

So long story longer, we left her in capable (clearly more sober) hands and went on our way after ten minutes of hugging and I LOVE YOUs!! We walked 12 minutes back to the JW Marriott Nashville, where I found Meredith Masony absolutely conked in our room on her heating pad like a happy little kitten.

The only part I regret about this situation was not getting contact info for my new daughter. Can everyone please share this so we can find her?? To Haley, the intoxicated fake bride who went to Nashville with your friends this weekend and tried your best to get kidnapped before we saved you - let’s be friends!! Hope you enjoyed the rest of your trip and made it home safely! I LOVE YOU!!

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