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Say What???

Updated: Sep 6, 2018

I am currently 40 weeks pregnant, still working on potty training my toddler and also navigating his learning to talk good. Needless to say, emotions are high at my house right now.

“I've got a baby in my body that refuses to come out and I'm slowly losing my mind...”

I spend the majority of my time guessing, often incorrectly, what the hell my kid is trying to say. We both grow increasingly frustrated as he repeats the same word 57 times in a row and I keep saying, "one more time, Mommy can't understand you." Then I throw out words that I 'think' he could be saying, before eventually turning to words that I am 100% positive he doesn't know exist because I just can't get it and it is kind of funny when he stops and says, "what that is, Mommy? Conspiracy theory?" When I finally catch-on, it is always something super important like, "pink clouds" or "super fly." The two-worders are the hardest because I can usually get one right, then I'm guessing, "pink house?" "pink mouse" "pink joust?" "pink toast?" "pink gross?" and he is just screaming "NO MOMMY!!!" Last week, I looked into his eyes for a solid four minutes, and repeatedly asked him to call me an "asshole," because I was sure that was the word coming out of his mouth. I finally said, "Did you just call Mommy an asshole?!" and he said, "I'm in a CASTLE!!!!" Oh. And now he knows the word asshole. Awesome.

He has also finally mastered (mostly) the potty training thing and wears big boy undies all day at school/home, with very few accidents. Woooohoooo! However, his little potty that sings is officially too small for the amount of stuff coming out of him, so we have moved to a potty insert in the big potty. The only problem with this for little boys is that, 80% of the time, the seat insert aims the urine stream directly between the bowl and seat, shooting piss all over the floor and whoever is standing/sitting in front of the toilet. I have been peed on every single day for the last week. Two nights ago, I was able to block the urine stream with rolled-up toilet paper that I held up to catch it. Winning. Four hours later, I got up from bed to pee after my husband had used the toilet and I stepped in fresh, warm droplets in front of our toilet. In his defense, it was the middle of the night and he probably didn't know he'd dribbled. Also, if I am not covered in someone else's pee right now, I have a pretty good chance of sneezing/coughing and peeing on myself. So, I'm just covered in pee always.

Anywho, that's what is going on in my life right now. I've got a baby in my body that refuses to come out and I'm slowly losing my mind in the toddler stage of life with the other human child I created. I hope you are all doing great! :)

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